09.03.08
“Happiness comes when…”
“Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others.”
-Teachings of Buddha
I really like this quote because it does seem to capture the fundamental quality of what “happiness” is. It also reminds me of how essential balance is for true happiness. We need to be mindful of what is beneficial to ourselves, as well as what is beneficial to others. We can not either become so focused on ourselves that we forget about others, nor can we become so dedicated to others that we forget about ourselves. Neither extreme will result in happiness.
I also like this quote because I love to think that it is our words (along with our actions) that can bring happiness. As writers, we write because it makes us happy to do so. As writers, we can strive to make others happy as well.
~Melissa 
08.15.08
“Experience is what you get…”
Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.
– Dan Stanford
Got that? I know that you may be very busy wallowing in your own self-pity or reliving that disappointment over and over again in your mind, and in your heart (and I am certainly talking to myself on this one as well), but there is no reason to. Stop right now!
Even though you didn’t get what you wanted, you got SOMETHING. Granted, it may not seem like very much, you may want to toss it out of the window (figuratively), and you would gladly give it away to the first person who would take it (literally), but it’s yours. Like it or not.
Every broken heart, closed door, missed opportunity, disappointing news, application denied, offer rejected, broken promise, and so on that we encounter in our lives is there for a reason. Each of these heartaches is a chance to learn, to build character, to grow as a person, and to heal. Though extremely painful, they are each equally as important as the good things, and actually help to make us appreciate the good things even more. Focus on those good things! Find the good things in your life and focus on all that you have, even if it is not what you want. I know that it is hard (believe me, I know it is hard!), but it is the only way. If you are so focused on the “what you wanted” you may miss out on new opportunities you could create, or what else may come your way on its own.
A recent situation that helped me to somewhat frame a (much larger, much more difficult, and very painful) current disappointment came from something that happened a few years ago. I had made a custom piece of jewelry and it came out really great! I was so excited with how perfect the bracelet was – exactly what the customer ordered – and wanted them to see it right away, that I sent it to them before I took a photo of it for my portfolio. It was a really beautiful bracelet and I just could never recreate it exactly, though I certainly tried. I was so disappointed with myself for having forgotten to take the picture. Though I didn’t have the picture (what I wanted), I gained the “experience” of learning from my mistake and never making the same mistake again. I take pictures of everything I make now, even the pieces that I don’t like so much! Well, trying to make this long story shorter – that same customer from a few years ago just called the other day and asked if I could add on to that piece and they are sending it to me so that I can work on it. I’m getting the bracelet back and can finally take the picture! Okay, now I know that isn’t the best example and pales in comparison to some of the disappointments we face in our lives (my own included) – but, the point is that it all works out in the end. It always does.
Be calm. Be positive. Have patience. Have faith.
~Melissa
08.08.08
“And now, I’m glad I didn’t know…”
And now, I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end
the way it all would go.
And our lives are better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain, but I’d've had to miss the dance.
-Song lyrics from Garth Brooks’ “The Dance”
When people are asked if they could go back in time – and know “then” what they know now – would they make the same choices in their lives, would they do it all over again, I am always really interested to hear the responses!
I think that it is important to live without regrets and to live each day to the fullest, learning from our past, but never letting the past take away from the present or what the future can bring. Life is just not long enough to spend time wishing that the past could have been different or that you could change it.
I think that I like these lyrics specifically because even though there may have been certain choices or events in our lives that have at some point brought us pain, they may have also brought tremendous amounts of joy and happiness…and without that choice, without the pain, how do we know that we would necessarily have had the joy and happiness, too?
~Melissa
08.04.08
“If you want others to be happy…”
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
- Dalai Lama, 1935-present
It is a seemingly simple statement with straightforward advice, but it is also one that many of us have such a hard time implementing. In the quest for our own happiness, I think that we too easily forget the happiness of others. This becomes a problem because if we live in a world where everyone is only concerned about themselves, their own personal gains at the expense of others, and separate or competing interests from those around them, then it doesn’t seem likely that anyone could ever be happy.
However, when we try to understand the people around us more, and feel empathy towards them or show tolerance even when we do not understand fully why they do the things that they do, then suddenly our own lives improve because our lives are no longer consumed with getting angry at the driver who cut us off on the highway, resenting the boss whom we believe treated us unfairly, or complaining about the woman holding up the line at the grocery store. If we understand that other people may have a bad day from time to time and that our reaction to them has the power to change not only our experiences, but their experience, and the experiences of all the other people who they come into contact with for the rest of that day, then our own happiness is inevitable. We can enjoy our trips in the car, be proud of our careers, and be happy about our purchases in a store. It is a small difference for each of us to make, but it has a very large return.
If we each do these things consistently and genuinely, then it doesn’t seem likely that anyone could ever be unhappy. ~ Melissa
